


Love & War

by skaioctavia



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: F/M, Love, War
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-11
Updated: 2020-12-22
Packaged: 2021-03-10 22:53:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,108
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28015005
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/skaioctavia/pseuds/skaioctavia
Summary: “The only choice between war and love is what’s going to kill you first.”Bellamy and Clarke have been living a peaceful life in Arkadia. They were happy together, the camp was working and everyone was living in harmony. That was until a bad move coming from them started a war with Trishanakru. Like it wasn’t enough, Clarke finds out she’s pregnant in the edge of everyone going to war. Bellamy and Clarke were scared, because if Trishanakru would march against Arkadia, the whole Coalition also would. As the war start knocking harder on their doors, the fear flowing through their veins and pounding in their chests, Clarke wishes she could do something to stop this war, but a war doesn’t end until there’s a winning side. Some wars aren’t worth fighting for, and that was one of those, but Bellamy was willing to fight it for Clarke, his sister, his unborn child, his people. Some stupid wars had to be fought to protect the ones you love. That’s just if love doesn’t kill you first.
Relationships: Bellamy Blake/Clarke Griffin
Comments: 2
Kudos: 16





	1. heaven’s a place on earth.

**Author's Note:**

> Hey y’al, welcome to Love & War! Hope you like this book! I’ll upload a new chapter every week! :)  
> (English is not my first language so I already apologize if there’s any mistakes)

_ Ooh, Heaven is a place on Earth _

_ They say in Heaven, love comes first _

_ We'll make Heaven a place on Earth _

_ Ooh, Heaven is a place on Earth _

_ ~ Heaven is a place on Earth, Belinda Carlisle. _

“Clarke— don’t act like this. You know I didn’t mean to!” Bellamy said. Clarke and him were having another fight. It’d be the fifth of the week. Now they were like this— fighting for everything and nothing at the same time. Anyone’s surprised, though. They’re both too stubborn and they can’t lose a fight, so they fight more, because they both want to feel like they’re winning and after all it always ends in the same way: they both getting hurt. 

“Oh, so you didn’t mean to lie right on my face and then leave the camp after I told you not to!” she yelled. 

“Oh, I’m so sorry, I didn’t know I was your property and I had to follow your orders,” Bellamy mocked, his hands falling in his hips as he locked at Clarke with angry.

_Why had she always make something simple so complicated?_ , he wondered. It was always like this. She always seemed to bossy him around by telling him wether he should or not leave the camp for any reason. He was tired of this. He wasn’t a kid, he didn’t want Clarke being sort of his babysitter or something like that. He was a grown man with the right to make his own decisions.

“You’re not my property, Bellamy and I didn’t demand you to do anything. I was trying to protect you!”

“I don’t need your protection, Clarke! I’m a grown man who can decide for himself!”

“And yet you still make the stupidest decisions as you’ve ever done!” she screams out.

“Don’t try to put this against me, Clarke! Raven need volunteers to colect tech for the new water filter she’s building so I volunteered myself!”

“Why? There are so many people in this camp who could go!”

“I wanted to help, Clarke!”

“And yet all you’ve done was lying to me!”

“Here we go again,” he says, sighing.

“You promised me you wouldn’t leave. You looked at my eyes and promised me. I didn’t ask you to, but you did. And yet, you left. How can I trust you?”

“Now you don’t trust me?” Bellamy said, laughing in this disbelief. “It is insane, Clarke. We’re together for almost one year and you don’t trust me?”

“I just said if you lie to me like that how can I possibly know if you’re lying to be about other things?”

He knew what she meant by “other things,” and it hurt him so bad. He knew she was insecure, but he didn’t think she doubt his love for her. He had always make clear how much he loves her and he had never hid.

“This whole thing is insane,” Bellamy says. “Why the hell are we fighting for such a stupid thing?”

“It is not stupid, Bellamy. It is your life. You could have been killed!”

“But I didn’t, Clarke! Look, I’m sorry I lied to you today. I knew you wouldn’t be okay with me going out there but Raven needed my help so I helped her. I thought you wouldn’t find out.”

“So your plan was lie to me forever? You’re not making this any better, you know,” she said, crossing her arms against her chest. 

“Neither are you!” Bellamy screamed and then sighed, trying to calm himself down. “Listen, Clarke. I know this was not one of my best moves, I’m sorry for lying to you but I won’t apologize for helping Raven and everyone in this camp including you. I did some stupid things today but don’t you ever dare doubt about my feelings for you, okay? I love you so freaking much Clarke Griffin, and you know that,” he said and she sighed.

“I know. I’m sorry, I didn’t mean that. I’m just—“ she sighs. “I’ve lost so much, Bell. I don’t wanna lose anyone else. I don’t wanna lose you,” she says and breaks down, and Bellamy finally understands why she always fought with him when he got out of the camp for no reasons or with no guns. He understands why she was so upset when she found out he had left. He now understands why.

“Clarke, you’ll never lose me. I promise.”

After he said those words, he realized those weren’t the better words he could say in the moment. Yet, Clarke said anything, she was busy trying so hard to calm down. 

“Clarke, life is unpredictable and bad things happen, but I promise you that I will never ever be anyone else’s. I’m yours Clarke, so you won’t lose me in any way at all.”

“You know what I mean by losing,” she whispers without looking at him. “Everyone I’ve ever cared died. I can’t— I can’t—“ she couldn’t reach the end of her sentence, she fell apart again. Bellamy ran to her side and wrapped his arms around her letting her cry on his chest as he caress her hair.

“I know. I can’t make the promise you want me to, hon’,” he says, sadly.

“I know you can’t. And if you did would be harder,” she said, wiping the tears off her eyes.

“And that’s not true,” Bellamy said.

“What?”

“Everyone you’ve ever cared died. Your mom still here, I still here. And either still Octavia, Raven and all of your friends, Clarke. I know you feel like you’re alone and you have to carry all your pain on your back but you don’t have to. I’m here and I want to carry your pain with me so you don’t have to carry it alone. I want to console you and support you in every way I can, but you need let me in, Clarke. You need to let me know what’s in this beautiful head,” he says, kissing her forehead and she smiles at him.

“I just— I freak out every time you walk out of those gates. I keep thinking: “And if you never come back?” “And if you get hurt?” And all those ugly and horrible thoughts run through my head and I can’t breathe and I just literally freak out. I didn’t want you to think I think you’re my property and I didn’t mean to make you feel like I was bossing you around. I just couldn’t support the idea of losing you too and I wasn’t fair and I was selfish. You have the right to decide for yourself and I shouldn’t interfere in your decisions. I have to trust you and hope in the end of the day you’ll always come back to me in one piece,” she said and then smiled.

“I’m so sorry I lied to you.”

“I know why you did so. I would’ve tried to make you stay. I understand, Bell. You have nothing to apologize for. I’m the only one here who should be sorry.”

“No, lying to you was still wrong. I promise you I’ll never do it again.”

“And I promise you I’ll try as hard as I can to not freak out oftentimes,” she said, smiling. “Thank you, Bellamy. I don’t know what I’d do without you.”

“You’d be okay because you’re strong. But I’m glad I’m here anyway.”

They both smiled and Clarke landed her head in his chest once again after they layered on their bed. Bellamy’s hand caressed her back and Clarke’s fingers were on Bellamy’s waist. 

“I’m sorry for freaking out and yelling to you. You did what you had to and I was being an idiot,” she apologized again.

“Hey, it’s okay. We were both wrong and it’s over now.”

“I guess we’re always failing to each other,” she says.

“What you mean?”

“I mean, we’re always fighting for no reason at all and in the end we apologize, but in the next day it happens in the same way and then in the day before that and the day before that. Are we the problem, Bell?”

Bellamy didn’t have to think to give her an answer.

“No, Princess. We’re not. I think we’re just too stubborn to apologize earlier.”

“Hell we are,” she said laughing and he laughed too.

“But even if I spend the rest of my life fighting everyday, I’d be pleasured if it was with you.”

“Aw, so sweet,” Clarke says, her arms holding his waist tighter. “For other couples it might seem weird.”

“They don’t know about us, Clarke. I know we have fights but what matters is we always try to fix them... at some point.” They both laugh. “I love you Clarke, even though we fight for your childish stuff,” he jokes and Clarke pretends to be offended. She rests her head on the pillow so she can see his face.

“Excuse me, I’m not the one who started a fight because of greek metrology on my patrol,” she said.

“Excuse _me_ , the guy was saying crap about Augustus,” Bellamy said and Clarke laughed.

“Why am I in love with you?” she jokes.

“Because I’m awesome and hot as hell.”

“Oh don’t feel yourself too much, Bellamy Blake.”

They both laughed for while and then they just kept looking to each other, their gazes telling one million of different things that words couldn’t. There were no words invented that could possibly describe how they feel about each other. The way they felt was so magical and so unrealistic yet so real that any words invented by the human beings could even try to explain. So they just looked at each other, hoping it was enough.

But it wasn’t enough for Clarke. So she kissed him, hoping this could show him some of the immense and deep and pure love she had for him. As she lays over him, she hopes he can understand what she’s saying. _I love you and I will do as long as there is a sun shining, and as long as the universe exists. As long as I still alive and if there’s other life after that, I’ll love there then too._

One of his arms held her waist as the other one held her face. He kissed her with all the love he had, all the love he could offer to this woman he loved so much. He kissed her as if they could do this forever until the sun consumes the earth and the apocalypse starts. 

He held her tightly against him but it wasn’t enough, so he took off his shirt and she did the same. Their both skin touched and they felt like heaven was actually a place on Earth. 

* * *

Bellamy and Clarke were lying outside their tent, on top of the blanket they had spread out on the floor. Clarke rested her head in Bellamy’s chest while Bellamy played with Clarke’s hair on his fingers. They were there, in silence, looking at the stars. That moment was magical for both Clarke and Bellamy. All their worries and pains were gone. They forgot all their obligations in the camp, they forgot those they had lost, they even forgot that there were other people on Earth. For them, all that existed and mattered at that moment was Clarke and Bellamy, Bellamy and Clarke.

“I love you, Bell,” Clarke said and kissed his shoulder.

“I love you too, Princess,” he said, smiling.

“You think it’ll always be like this? That we’re in real piece?”

“I think we achieved our biggest goal,” he said. “I mean, after all those fights we’ve been through we still managed to keep the piece.”

“Yeah, but that took a while.”

“Every fight take a while to end, Clarke. You can’t just finish a war until there’s a winning side.”

“And who decides who’s the winning side?” Clarke asked.

“We decide if we’ve lost or if we’ve won.”

“Do you think we won?”

“I think so. We’re in piece right now. That’s the true victory.”

They went in silence for a while, until Clarke spoke out again. “You think we deserve piece after everything we’ve done to achieve it?”

Bellamy sighed and hold her face to look in her eyes and smiled at her.

“We deserve this. We’ve done everything we could to reach this and now we did, we need to prove that was worth it.”

“But, after everything I’ve done I’m not so sure I deserve this.”

“Listen to me. If there’s anyone that deserves this it is you, Clarke Griffin,” Bellamy said, softly, brushing her hair off of her face. “You know, who we are and who we need to be to survive are two different things,” Bellamy said the some words he had told her an year ago. She smiled at those words, and kissed his cheek.

“I know. I just— I’m not God and I shouldn’t be the one who gets to decide for the human race’s fate,” she said.

“I know, babe. But if weren’t for you, we all would be dead by now,” Bellamy said.

“You’re just saying this because you love me.”

“I’m saying this because I know you and I know your heart. And you saved me several times so I can tell you I’d be dead if weren’t for you. You save me everyday, Clarke. You save me when you smile, you save me when you laugh, you save me when you tell you love me. You’ve been saving me for so long and you haven’t realized yet.” 

She smiled at his words and felt so grateful for having a man in her life so amazing like Bellamy. She didn’t know what she did to deserve him.

“When people judge you it’s because they don’t walk on your shoes and they don’t know you like I do. If they even tried, they’d understand that you’re such an incredible person who just wants to keep everyone alive. I bet if they had to make the choices you do they wouldn’t manage. You’re stronger than them, Clarke. You’re strongest than you think.”

“You make me strong,” Clarke said.

“No, I don’t,” Bellamy said.

“Yes, Bellamy. When I want to give up on everything and when I feel helpless you give me strength to go on.”

“The strength you think that comes from me is inside of you, Clarke,” he said, kissing her forehead.

“Look, Bell. A shooting star!” Clarke said, after a while, pointing to the sky.

“Let’s make a wish," Bellamy said.

Even without knowing it, they wished the same thing; that it would be like this forever. May they always be at peace, in each other's arms while looking at the stars.

But not all wishes are fulfilled.

“Guys!" Raven says, approaching them, running. They both stand up and worry about the expression on Raven's face.

“Raven, what’s wrong? Someone’s hurt?” Clarke asked.

“No, even worse," Raven said. “Trishanakru. They’re here and demand to speak with both of you. It seems pretty bad.”

The two looked at each other, afraid. Bellamy took Clarke's hand and walked it to the gate and, for some reason, a bad feeling was with him.


	2. greater symbol of love.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys!! Sorry for the short chapter, the next ones will be longer, I promise. Hope you’re liking the book! If you’d like to, leave a comment telling me what you think :) I’m not so sure how often I’ll upload here, but at least I’ll post one chapter per week. <3 Thank you for all the bookmarks and kudos, this means so much for me!

_ A love for each other will bring fighting to an end _

_ Forgiving one another _

_ Time after time doubt creeps in _

_ But like the sun lights up the sky with a message from above _

_ Oh yeah, I find no other greater symbol of love _

_ — Stoned Love, The Supremes. _

“We seek for your leaders!” a man with brown hair and blue eyes screamed in the gate. There was just him and another man over their horses, and Clarke presumed they were messengers. Bellamy and Clarke approached the gate and when Clarke nodded, Miller and Harper opened the gate. 

“We’re here,” Clarke said. “What do you want?”

“ _Oso gaf jus in, gon jus drein jus daun_ , (We want blood, because blood must have blood)” one of the man said and Clarke looked at him with a confused face.

“ _Chit yu mean?_ (What you mean?)” Clarke asks.

“ _Ai mean bilaik kru invaded oso stegeda en don jak oso tech,_ (I mean your people invaded our village and stole our tech)” the man said and Clarke sighed.

“Clarke, what’s going on?” Bellamy whispered in her ear, but she ignored him.

“They didn’t mean to. They didn’t know it was your village,” Clarke said.

“So there was a big board saying “Trishanakru” but they’re blind and can’t read?” the man mocked.

“That’s not what I meant,” Clarke said.

“ _Bilaik kru don jak something kom Ain kru, Oso na jak op something gon yours_ , (Your people stole something from mine, so we will steal something from yours)” the man said and then smirked. “ _Jus drein jus daun. Yu get in dei de, don yu, Wanheda?_ (Blood must have blood. You know that, don’t you, Wanheda?)”

Clarke sighed at the name he had called her and Bellamy continued looking confused at her.

“Clarke?” he asked.

“We can give your things back. We don’t need them.”

“You do, or otherwise you wouldn’t have stole them.”

“Stole? What did we steal?” Bellamy asked, confused.

“The tech you collected earlier. It was theirs. You invaded their territory and stole it,” Clarke explained.

“We didn’t! That was a desert territory, there was no one! We’d never steal!” Bellamy said.

“It was a desert territory but still Trishanakru’s! That part was where children play!” the man yelled. “You stole something from our people, whose didn’t do anything against yours. We’re angry and we’ll not forget it.” He cleaned his throat. “We’re here in the name of Trishanakru’s king to warn you.”

“Warn us? Warn us to what?” Clarke asked.

“ _Wor ste komba raun,_ (War is coming)” the man said, smirking.

“Just because of the tech? We said we could give it back!” Clarke said.

“The fact is you moved against Trishanakru so you moved against the whole Coalition, Wanheda. There’s no going back, you did what you did. We’ll avenge ourselves and you’ll regret stepping a foot in our village.” 

Clarke pulled back, squeezing Bellamy’s hand. Bellamy didn’t understand the whole conversation properly, but he did understand they were mad because of the tech they collected earlier. Bellamy and the other volunteers didn’t know that place was Trishanakru’s territory, neither a part of a village. He felt so dumb — he had put all his people in danger. He had put his friends in danger. He had put Clarke in danger.

“However... our king has shown mercy and are willing to give you an offer.”

“What offer?” Clarke asked.

“We don’t march while the whole Coalition against Arkadia if you give us Bellamy Blake. You have one day to decide.”

* * *

“No. No way I’m gonna give you to them!” Clarke said, and Bellamy sighed.

“Clarke, I will not risk everyone’s life just so you can save mine! The best choice is for me to go with them and you know that,” Bellamy said.

“No, Bellamy. It has to have a better way! I can talk to Lexa and—“

“You mean the woman who abandoned us in Mount Weather and kissed you even though she knew we were dating?”

“She’s the commander, she can order them to stop,” Clarke said.

“And what make you think she’ll help us?” Bellamy asked.

“She owe us for Mount Weather. I know she’ll help, Bell.”

“No”, he whispered. “No!” he said, his voice loud this time. “No, we can’t. I’m not trusting my life in a traitor and even if I did I couldn’t. A trip from here to Pollis is a two day trip, and we just have one day to decide.”

“So I’ll think about something else,” Clarke said.

“Clarke, don’t. Just give me away now and al of you can have peace.”

“You’re out of your mind if you think for one second I’ll give you away to them!” Clarke yelled.

“Do you think I like this, Clarke? I don’t, okay? I don’t! I don’t wanna leave my sister, my girlfriend, my friends and my people here! But I don’t want to risk your lives for my mistake!”

“It isn’t your fault, Bellamy!”

“It is!” Bellamy argued.

“Clarke’s right,” Raven spoke up. “If there’s someone that we have to give away, that’s me. It’s my fault. I asked for you to collect tech.”

“You didn’t make us invade Trishanakru’s village,” Bellamy argued. “Besides, you are our best and only engineer and we can’t lose you.”

“You are our leader and we can’t lose you!” Clarke said.

“But I’m not the only leader.”

Those words hit Clarke.  _ Bellamy couldn’t seriously think she would give him away like he meant nothing _ , she thought. Bellamy was always like this: putting everyone’s need above his but Clarke won’t let him die for nothing.

“Bellamy, everyone needs you.  I  need you,” Clarke said, looking to his eyes.

“And I need you,” Octavia said, putting her hand on his shoulder.

“And I need you,” Raven said.

“So do I,” Monty and Harper speak up.

“See? Bellamy, we need you,” Clarke said.

“But if I stay, I’ll get you all killed. I can’t let that happen,” he said, moving away from them and leaving the reunion room.

“Go talk to him, Clarke. He’s stubborn, but if there’s someone who can chance his mind, it is you,” Octavia said, giving Clarke a sad little smile and Clarke nodded and went after Bellamy.

She found him in their tent. He was laying on the bed, hugging himself in the dark. Clarke quietly took off her shoes and layered in the bed too, and embraced his waist.

“Clarke, I know—“ Bellamy started, but Clarke interrupted.

“Shhh, let’s just enjoy each other’s company for a while,” she said, hugging him tightly. 

He turned himself in the bed to look at her pretty deep blue eyes. He brushed her hair off of her face and his hand rested in her cheek.

“What about tomorrow?”

“Tomorrow we worry tomorrow,” Clarke said. “But now, all I want is you.”

“Clarke—“

“I don’t care if we have tuns of things to do. Just— don’t leave me tonight.”

Bellamy nodded and kissed her, and for some reason, it felt like a sweet but sad last kiss. Bellamy turned away Clarke’s face and saw she was crying. He wiped her tears and hugged her, while she closed her eyes.

“Hey, look at me,” he said, but Clarke didn’t. “Babe, look at me.”

She opened her eyes and looked at his, and more tears fell.

“Clarke, this is not a goodbye,” he said.

“I’m afraid I’ll wake up in the morning and you’ll have left,” she confessed and broke down, and Bellamy held her tight, feeling guilty he was making her feel this.

“Babe, I’m not leaving.”

“So you promise you’ll stay here? That you’ll not go with Trishanakru’s messenger?”

There was hope in her voice and Bellamy’s heart ached. He wanted to save this beautiful and amazing girl but if he does, he’ll broke her heart. He doesn’t want this. He just wanted to piece. Is that so hard?

“We can take a vote and the Arkadia will decide wether I have to go or not.”

Clarke sighed. “It doesn’t feel right— putting your life on everyone’s hands.”

“But it is theirs too. If I don’t go, they’ll have to go to war. At least they have to have the right to decide their fates too.”

“I guess you’re right,” Clarke says.

“I always am,” Bellamy joked, and Clarke gave him a small smile.

“I love you, Bell.”

“I love you, too, Clarke. And that’s what matters, right?”

She nods. “That’s what matters.”


	3. i feel loved, i feel so special.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey guys! hope you like this chapter! next ones will be longer, full of tension and i bet you’ll like it! the war is coming!

_ You make me feel special _

_ No matter how the world brings me down _

_ Even when hurtful words stab me _

_ I smile again 'cause you’re there _

_ That’s what you do _

_ Again, I feel special _

_ One moment I feel like I’m nothing at all _

_ Like no one would notice if I were gone _

_ But then when I hear you calling me _

_ I feel loved, I feel so special _

_ — Feel Special, Twice _

In the next day, Clarke woke up before Bellamy, but she didn’t wake him. She stayed there, in his arms, wishing they could stay like this forever.

She was so scared, more than when she was in solitary. Sure, that time she was scared because she couldn’t see anyone and didn’t know how many time had passed or how many time there was until she die, but losing Bellamy... This scared her more. 

Losing Bellamy was like losing the better part of her. Losing Bellamy was like losing herself too. Although this can sound selfish, Clarke needed him and she wasn’t willing to lose him even if it would cost her. 

Bellamy moves in bed. “Good morning, Princess,” he says, brushing her hair in his fingers and she smiled against his chest.

“Morning, Bell,” she whispered, holding him tighter.

“Wish we could stay here the whole day,” he said, kissing her head.

“Me too.” She sighed. “But we can’t. We have to solve  that problem.”

Bellamy sighed. He knew Clarke wouldn’t let him surrender himself, but he’d never let everyone be killed because of him. He’d not be able to carry that bound. But, looking at Clarke, this beautiful and amazing girl, he wasn’t so sure he could leave her. He wouldn’t be able to know  _ he _ caused her pain. 

“Clarke, I didn’t change my mind,” he said, calmly, not wanting to upset her, but he knew it was useless.

“I know you didn’t, you’re too stubborn for that. That’s why I won’t let anybody get near to you. They won’t hurt you, Bell.”

“Clarke, but if I don’t leave—“

“What? You think I’ll let them take you away from us for no reason?”

“There’s a reason,” he said.

“Stupid reason!” she said, sitting up in the bed holding the blanket against her undressed body and looking deep on his eyes. “Bellamy, remember what I’m telling you. I  _ won’t  _ let them take you and that is a promise.”

He smiled and sat up too, and kissed her. “And you say I’m the stubborn one,” he joked and she laughed. 

“I’m serious, Bell. I won’t let anything happen to you.”

“I know,” he smiled. “I won’t anything happen to you either.”

He kissed her with all the love he had. Their lips touched felt like sure thing, even in this damn messed world it was the only thing that seemed right. As he held the back of her neck and kissed her intensely, she knew what he was doing. It was a goodbye kiss. And she wouldn’t say goodbye to him.

“Promise me you won’t leave,” she begged when they pulled back for air and tears filled her eyes. Bellamy’s heart ached for her and what hurt him most is that he knew he couldn’t promise that. Promise not to leave was like letting her and the whole camp be killed because of him. He wouldn’t promise that. He couldn’t.

“Clarke—“

“Please, Bellamy. I need to know if I can sleep without fearing when I wake up you won’t be by my side.”

He hugged her and let her cry in his neck. He wish he could promise her he’d stay forever, but he knew if he promised he would just hurt her more. He planned living while she sleep, and turn himself in to Trishanakru and let all of them live in piece — let her live in piece. 

“Clarke, I can’t let you die,” he whispered.

She pulled away and looked in his eyes, but he couldn’t tell, for the first time, what she was thinking. Her eyes turned blank, cold, but there was something more. A look he had never seen on Clarke’s ocean eyes.

“I swear to God, Bellamy, if you ever leave me I will never be able to forgive you,” she said and Bellamy knew she really meant that. He knew he walking away would hurt Clarke, but those words... It killed him. He could see the hurt in her eyes and he realized he couldn’t leave her. 

But he couldn’t stay either.

“I’m sorry, Clarke,” he whispered and he avoid her gaze. He could see the pain and hurt in there and he caused this. He caused her pain.

She left the bed without a word and got dressed and left the tent, leaving Bellamy alone.

He sighed. He knew he had screw up with her and he didn’t want to leave the camp when there was tension between them, but he knew that leaving was the best decision. It is one life for hundreds. It is clear what he has to do.

He leaves his bed and starts to pack his things. There wasn’t too much, and in ten minutes he was finished. Then he put his backpack on his shoulder and with a sigh he leaves his tent.

He thinks it’s better he say goodbye to Octavia. He knew he wouldn’t go any further trying to speak with Clarke. She would beat him or just walk away. When he sees Octavia leaving her tent, he starts walking towards her, but he stops when he sees Clarke in the podium.

“Dear people of Arkadia,” she said, and Bellamy knew what she’d do and sighed. “The whispers you heard are true. Trishanakru were here and they want war.” Everyone started talking to each other, nervous and scared, but Clarke continued to speak. “But they said they wouldn’t make war unless we give Bellamy Blake away.”

Bellamy could see the blank expression in her eyes as she said his name. He had really screwed up. 

“I know you must think this is the right decision, one life for hundreds. But what does it tell about us? We’ve survived and we survived because of him, because of Bellamy. We wouldn’t be here today if weren’t for him. He puts our lives above his own and that’s why he would leave so we wouldn’t fight. When you were in danger, he fought for you. And now we won’t leave him.”

“But why should we all die for his mistake?” someone spoke up and Bellamy knew his name was Riley, the guy he had saved from the Ice Nation.

“He putted his on life in danger to save yours from Azgeda, Riley,” Clarke said, looking disappointed. 

“I know and I’m really grateful for that. But I will not die because of him.”

“So he risks everything for us, but we can risk anything for him?” Clarke asked. “In the dropship days, Bellamy helped us. The 100. We didn’t just survive— we’ve thrived. And it’s because of Bellamy. He saved us on Mount Weather. And when I left, he stayed with you and never left any of you. He always saw the better on us and helped us be better. Yes, he’ve made mistakes, but who hasn’t? I believe in forgiveness and Bellamy is the person who most deserves it.” Clarke sighed and for one minute her gaze found Bellamy’s. Although she was really mad with him, he could see that she still loved him and she wouldn’t let him die. “That’s on you. We will take a vote. You get to decide what you want.”

Bellamy sighs. He doesn’t like the idea of his fate being on everyone’s hand. He was always the one who got to decide for his own — he had never have a mother who told him what to do, so he always decided for himself. It scared him not being able to control his own life, but it wouldn’t affect only him — it’d affect everyone.

“Who wants Bellamy to leave?” she asks and only Riley raised his hand. Riley sighed and putted his hand down, and Bellamy could see Clarke’s smile growing. “Who wants Bellamy to stay?”

Every single person who was there raised their hands, and Clarke smiled. Bellamy was surprised. He never thought they would be willing to fight for him. He never expected that. He had never felt like people had hope in him. In the Ark, he was no one. When the 100 first landed on the ground, he was just the selfish, asshole and stupid guy who had a sister. But now— it looks like people have actually have faith in him, otherwise they wouldn’t be accepting fighting for him.

_Fighting for him_.  No one had ever in his life fight for him. But he knows that now, the person who fights for him most is that blonde blue eyes girl who wouldn’t let him die, even if it meant she could die. He didn’t know what he did to deserve such an amazing, loving and caring girl. Every time she looks at him he feels like his loved — he feels like he’s special, although he knows he’s not. But she makes him feel like this.

He looked at her and could see her smile when everyone raised their hands but then her eyes found his and her smile were gone as fast as it appeared, and he remembered she still upset with him and he should go apologize. She wasn’t just upset— she was hurt and Bellamy could see it in her eyes, and he knew he had screwed up pretty bad in the second she felt the tent.

He decides not talk to her now, though. He knows they’d just end up fighting, so it’s better he apologize tomorrow, when she calms down a bit. He gives her a sad smile when she looks at him again and she just looks away, approaching Raven. He sighs and stars walking towards Octavia.

“Guess you’re not going anywhere, big brother,” she said smiling and hugged him, and he felt bad for while she hugged him he was thinking of Clarke. “Something’s bothering you, though,” Octavia says as she pulls away and he sighs. She still knows him too well. “What is it?”

“Clarke and I had a fight...”

Her mouth drops open. “Another?” She laughed. “Yeah, you two can’t afford letting each other win an argument, can you?”

“This is bad, Octavia,” he says sadly and Octavia feels sorry for joking over it. “Really bad. This time I really screwed up things.”

Octavia sighs and places a gente hand on his shoulder. “Oh, Bell. What did you do  _ this time _ ?”

“We were arguing about wether I should leave the camp or not,” he started but Octavia interrupted him.

“She was right.”

“Not the point,” he sighed the words with a eye roll. “Anyway, she asked me to promise her I wouldn’t leave and said if I left her she wouldn’t be able to ever forgive me but I— I just couldn’t, you know? Staying meant putting everyone’s live in danger, including Clarke’s and yours and I— I just couldn’t, Octavia. Now I won’t go anywhere but I think she might not ever forgive me.”

Octavia sighed with a weak little sad smile and hugged him. He hid his face on her neck as he tried not to cry while Octavia caressed his back with her hands. “She’ll forgive you, Bellamy. I know she will. Every time you screw up she forgives you.”

“What if this time is different?”

“It isn’t,” Octavia said firmly. “You two can be really stubborn but can spent much time without each other. She’ll forgive you eventually because you always find a way to forgive each other and try to do better.”

“When it’s eventually? I don’t wanna—“

“You have to respect her time, Bell,” Octavia said gently as she pulled back and gave him a smile. “She’s hurt and you have to understand why. She has lost so many people, Bell, and she thought she would lose you and it must’ve hurt when you told her you’d leave her.”

“I didn’t say those words.”

“But this is what you meant. I know you have your reasons but she has hers too and you have to know that.”

“I know. I really do know. I think I don’t deserve her. Like— even when I hurt her she helped me and literally saved my life.”

“Deserving has nothing to do with it,” Octavia said gently as she caressed his cheek. “You’re a good man, Bell. And you make mistakes. But what tells you wether a good man or not is what you do about them. Making mistakes are forgivable. Not learning from the isn’t.”

Bellamy smiled and hugged Octavia again. “Thanks, O.”

“Anytime, Big Brother.” She pulls back. “Now if you excuse me I’ll find Lincoln.”

“Sure, see ya.”

“See ya.”

The conversation with Octavia helped him a lot. Now, he knew what he’d do. 


End file.
